Take me away from here.

When I turned 18 I was really fucking excited to go clubbing, I’d been a few times to some proper rubbish night clubs when I was younger but I’ve always been a bit prang and I was looking forward to being able to get into somewhere good without stressing about being awkwardly kicked out.

Unfortunately after going to Sakura on my 18th last November and based on my experiences since then Ive come to realise clubbing is just dogging in a nicer outfit under the disguise of alcohol with the (very necessary) help of dimmed lights.

Everyone is just out for one reason they wanna get laid! Or (like me) there with someone who wants to get laid.

While I was in Sakura, all I could think the whole time I was there was "If I wanted to drink WKD and listen to Greenday I would have gone to a year 8's house party." At least there would probably be some snacks (cheesy footballs and shit) and I would have saved myself £4. Lad’ and slag’s grinding to obnoxious preteen pop punk. I thought people grew out of that shit in like year 9?

After that I thought I’d try Revolution and quite honestly I do not understand how people go back week after week after week. I hate it! You walk in and are greeted by a scowling crowd of trendy fashionista bitches that look like they've walked out of a shop window. Guys that think their so effin fit because they work in topshop or all saints and the dumb bitches that fuck them "skankin" to "bangin dubstep" drinking £5 sambuca shots and hittin' the tiles! I miss the days of going to parties with my friends Katie and Reuben and listening to dubstep with a crowd of gurning pikies, now if you wanna dance to it you have to push your way through crowds of hair spray and fake tan and at least try to make an effort to look nice (oh how times have changed eh?). I also find it rather fucking hilarious its called “skint Mondays” when most of the people there are fucking rich kids! Its like being back at school.

Fuck that!

When Revs and Sakura etc is closed there is the weekly drunk pilgrimage to go and sit in Purple Turtle and do nothing but watch metal heads making fucking dicks out of themselves. All I think while Im chain smoking cigarette butts in the garden, avoiding people I hate, sat in broken glass, texting myself on my phone cos Im so fucking bored (while my friend is having a conversation about someones boyfriend in the toilets or possibly having a shit because theyve been so fucking long) is there are a million things I would rather be doing right now. I could sit in a field and get stoned, or I could even be at home eating and watching River Cottage on 4od.

No matter the night club/bar or whatever its the same story. Ill go in shuffle around following my friend awkwardly, regretting wearing an over the top outfit that looked amazing while I was pre drinking but would rather be naked right now and think "I have absolutely nothing in common with anyone here. Take me away from here." Maybe Im just not the clubber type but to be honest, thank fuck!

Peace and Love x